Ear Experiment

You may not want to hear this. You may wonder why I'm telling you, but every six months, I lose my hearing.

Before you go freaking out saying, "What, oh my God! What's the matter?" Just hear me for a second. For whatever the reason, my ears don't shed their wax (again, before you get completely grossed out and consider me a freak, read on) and it's not for lack of trying. I clean my ears regularly. No, not with a Q-tip (apparently you're not supposed to do that anymore), but my finger (I knew you'd still be reading, it's like a train wreck). So to remedy the situation and keep my sanity, I'd go to the local urgent care and have my ears chiseled and irrigated. Sounds kind of embarrassing doesn't it? It was, but only for the first visit.

What was I to do? I wanted to hear. After doing the normal routine of yawning and finger-prying to pop my ears and having no success, it was time for minor ear surgery.  I'm sure the nurse at the urgent care thought I was being a wuss and exaggerating...exaggerating until she looked into my ear.  I told her that I was sorry that she had to do this and that it was probably pretty gross. She shrugged it off, said that was why she had chosen the medical field, and went to work. Without hesistation she dug right in with a precision ear picker, syringe of hot water, and a bed pan propped under my ear.  I could hear and feel the stuff coming out of my ear.  At one point I even smelled it.  This stuff must have been buried under my ear-strata for awhile to smell like that.  Gross huh?

Forty-five minutes per ear and several iterations later and it finally happened.  With a "pop", I had a moment of clarity that I had been missing for some time.  I could hear.  Not just hear, but hear with ultra sensory perception.  My car sounded so different that I thought it needed a tuneup.  It was then that I decided that I must do this every six months.  Everyone should.  Like a haircut, a message, a dental visit; it should be scheduled human maintenance.  

And so I did, twice a year, until I managed to smuggle out my own ear chisel and irrigating syringe.  Now I do it myself at home.  That's gratification.